


Evan Hansen

by rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere



Series: DEH and BMC crap short fics [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Happy Ending, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm also kinda bored, Jared's a soft old man, Jared's old, Light Angst, M/M, So was Evan, They were married, When Will Connolly sang it, based off of Cecily Smith, but it's cool, but trust me it's all good, cuz Will's awesome, from Fly By Night, happier than what I imagined, it sounded sadder, it's adorable, oof, yeah it's warning may seem bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-17 09:15:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16971831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere/pseuds/rndm_bway_reference_grl_heere
Summary: Jared's POV... Based off of 'Cecily Smith' from the musical 'Fly By Night'.---It's years later, after everything. Marriage, children, good times, bad times. Jared Kleinman's seen it all. Sometimes he gets to share these stories with the little kids at the libraries he visits. Apparently the kids are interested in his love life, too.





	Evan Hansen

**Author's Note:**

> I had to change some of the lyrics for obvious reasons just a heads up!!

I walk into the small building to see a familiar face behind the front desk.

"G'morning Mr. Kleinman!" 

I wave at Kim, "Good morning, m'lady! Am I late?"

She chuckles, "Only by a minute, sir. I'm sure the kids will be happy to see you." She nods towards the room where I'm supposed to be.

"Thanks, have a good day!"

"You too, sir. Make sure to take it slow, okay?"

"Yes, ma'am!" I give her a small thumbs up and my nicest grin. She's a nice lady.

\---

I walk into the room filled with lower shelves full of books. In the back I see a whole bunch of little kids scattered around a big rug on the floor. I make my way over there through the cozy little room. Books and puzzle pieces are scattered around the floor, just waiting to be picked up by another child. Little birds and bees are fluttering around on the walls, never moving as they are painted ever so elegantly on the surface. As I walk through the aisles of books, I drag my fingers along the spines of the books, as an old habit of mine.

I make it to the back clearing where there are a few tables and shelves in the corners, and a giant rug on the floor. In front of it, a wooden rocking chair sits, waiting for me to occupy it.

"Alrighty, kids! How's everyone today?" I ask the lot of kids facing the chair, making a few jump as they turn back to see me.

A little girl in the back, Katherine, answers not-so-quietly, "Where were you? You're late!" She squeaks as she flails her arms up in the air for dramatic effect.

I chuckle quietly as I walk towards the chair, pausing to bend down and whisper in her ear, "It was Ms. Kim's fault, she told me to take it slow." I add one more wink before I plop down in my chair.

She giggles a little as she tells the other children around her, the giggling growing louder. I smile at what I've started. It still feels good to make people laugh.

"Alright, so," I start, leaning forward and crossing my hands, "What story should I tell you all today? Any suggestions?" I scan the room, some parents are here. Nice. Their kids probably dragged them here.

A little boy in the back, Lucas, pipes up, "Were you in a war?"

I chuckle a little, "No, I was not! What a great question. I'm not that exciting of an old person, now am I?" I smile still, these children always do that.

"Shush, Lucas! He's awesome!" Katherine speaks up again, putting a finger to her lips to signal being quiet.

"It's alright, Kath. I'm very flattered, but it's true." I give her a sweet smile.  "Are there any story suggestions, though? I don't know about you, but I'm getting bored and my memory's fading away, sooo, you better get the stories outta me before they're gone..." I say as put my finger up to the side of my head.

There are a few hushed whispers throughout the group, then another boy, William, speaks. "Are you married?"

I have to pause for a moment to think about what I'm going to say. "Well, I was married, but I never really talk about it anymore."

"What happened?" Katherine asks, eyes wide.

One of the parents, I'm guessing hers, swats her, telling her to shush. I catch on, and try to stop it as best I can, "Oh, no ma'am, it's fine! I just never really get asked the question, is all." I give the mom a smile, hoping she understands that I'm totally okay with it. Mostly okay with it.

I continue, "My... partner... How do I say this? Went to heaven a few years back, so uh, I'm not really sure how to answer that question."

A few kids cover their mouths; little squeaks are heard throughout the group; the parents sigh sadly. "Oh, I'm... I'm so sorry..." One of the parents say.

"It's fine," I try to shrug, "I don't need your pity. I got over it a while ago."

Katherine speaks up again, "How?" Her mother swats her again, telling her to shush once more.

I sigh, "It took a long time, and a lot of ice cream." I add, looking at her, giving her a faint smile. Joking around was always my defense mechanism, so why not try to use it now?

 I can tell that lifted the mood a little, but not as much. The boy from earlier, William, is fidgeting in his seat like he wants to say something, when he finally does. "Wh-what was their name?" He immediately covers his mouth with his hands, looking a little embarrassed at his own question.

Katherine looks at me with a face of shock and horror, then turns around to William and starts to scold him for asking that; which, makes me chuckle a little. "I'll tell you guys if you all shush," I offer. The room is almost instantly quiet after this. I look around nervously at the parents, who all seemed pretty tuned in as well. "Hi-his name-"

"It was a he, too? Like my dads?" Lucas blurts out, looking shocked. One of the parents, I'm assuming his, quickly gets out of his seat and shushes him and takes his seat once more. 

I give him a warm smile, "Yes, actually. And he was the sweetest, most amazing man I've ever met."

He looks embarrassed, but is still grinning bashfully. 

William asks again, "What was his name, then?"

"I was getting there!" I chuckle. "His name was E-... Evan H-Hansen." I haven't said his name in a while. I continue, "And, oh, did I love that man so much! You all would have loved him as well..." I sigh at the memory of him with a small smile on my face.

"Cool! What was he like?" One of the children asks, but this time I don't know who, still choosing to answer them somehow.

"Well... That's a loaded question! He was awesome! Probably more awesome than me!" I chuckle, throwing a wink at Katherine. She giggles and smiles at me, with a wanting look in her eye. All the kids have that look -- They want to know more about Evan.

Katherine giggles some more and adds, "I find that hard to believe!"

"Well, believe it or not, it's true!" I chuckle as well, the sad mood finally gone completely.

A couple more kids chuckle, then, surprisingly, one of the parents speak up, "So... You're gay?"

 _Oh, here it comes._ "Uh, yes. Proud to be! But I'm off the 'dating' radar or whatever now! I'm too old and fragile." I chuckle nervously, not knowing how they meant that question.

The parent nods, then gets up and leaves. Well, I mean, better than getting yelled at, at least. I sigh, looking around the room once more. Some parents' faces are hard to read, and a few, well, they look fine. I'm guessing the man that told Lucas to shush was one of his dads, hopefully. 

"What's gay?" A little boy asks, eyes wide with want.

I look around the room once more, looking for a warning from one of the parents. When I see none, I begin to speak, "Well, when you're gay... You um..." I see a hand raised in the corner of my eye, and it's Lucas, waving his hand frantically in the air. "Yes, Lucas?"

"Can I answer his question?" He asks, eager to know the answer. I nod and give him a nervous smile as he starts to speak again, "Being gay is when a man likes another man!" He smiles widely, looking at his father.

"So like,  _like like_?" Katherine asks, a weird look on her face.

"More like, when a boy prefers boys over girls in a 'dating' sort of way, or in this case, marriage!" Lucas smiles even more, giving her a toothy grin.

She looks at me weirdly, then smiles, "Oh! That's so cool! I didn't know you could do that!"

I smile back at her, thankful for the way she reacted. I don't think I'm ready to lose her, she's too cute!

"So, like, can you pleease tell us more about Mr. Evan?"

"Oh, of course, miss Kath! I could talk about Evan all day!" That was true. I could go on and on and on about how amazing he was, and how terrible it feels about him. Out of everything I remember, he is definitely my number one thing to think about.

"I remember one time I didn't know how to express my love for him enough, so I ended up writing a song!" I chuckle at the memory. It was our 25th anniversary day, and I didn't feel like ''I love you' was enough.

A very audible gasp comes out of all the kids' mouths, maybe even some of the parents. Then, a tiny little girl in the front row asks, "Can you sing it for us? Please?"

Then, a whole bunch of other kids start chanting their pleads as well. What have I started?

I chuckle and pretend to dismiss it with a wave of my hand. "Oh, I don't know. I don't think I remember any of it anymore!" That was a lie. I remember every bit of that song, and even how to play it on the guitar.

A very sad group of kids I know have in front of me, is now making their pleads and boo's louder. I sigh, "Oh, alright! Alright! I just need a guitar."

\---

I didn't think the kids were that determined to hear my song, but apparently they were. They all searched the library high and low to find a guitar, and surprisingly, they found one. I think the parents were slightly in on it too, though, but I'm not completely sure.

Now settled back in my rocking chair, with a guitar in my lap too, I start to tune the guitar. 

"Alright kids, so listen up. I haven't played a guitar in years, so if I mess up, make sure to not laugh too hard. Got it?"

They all chuckle and say their 'Yes's and 'Yes sir's. 

Once it's all tuned up, I start to strum the first few chords, only messing up once.

I start to get the rythm, searching for the lyrics in my mind. I finally get them, and start to sing...

" _~The war was over, I was living with my folks._

_I yelled upstairs, hey Ma, I'm off to grab some smokes._

_And my father called, why you need to smoke so late?_

_Well I'd lied, I'd had a date~_ "

* * *

"Shit, Jared. I'm so, so, so, so, so fucking sorry! I didn't mean to yell at you or leave you out or do anything to hurt you and I know you hate me but I just can't live normally because of all the shit I've done and I'm just so -"

"Evan, calm the fuck down and let me  _think_." I wince as the boy in front of me just starts to break down into a crying mess. I go towards him to put my hand on his shoulder to try and comfort him, but I end up just hugging him and start crying myself.

Never in a million years have I guessed that I'd be crying in front of Evan. Evan has cried in front of me plenty of times, hurting my tiny heart every damned time.

I feel him flinch at my touch, which only makes me cry more. What have I done to make him  _fear_ me?

"E-Ev, I should be the one to a-apologize," I manage to say through my sobs, "I was the asshole, n-not you."

I continue, "I've the asshole this whole time, to you, and to everyone else. So you definitely don't need to apologise." I sniffle, pulling back when I start to realize that he's hugging me back, and not seeming to let go anytime soon.

"Ev, bud, you gotta say something," I say, trying to pull back again.

He sniffles and looks up from where his head was on my shoulder. "Jared. You deserve the fucking world and I love you more than anything." He states with the confidence I definitely didn't know he had.

"Evan, no, you don't understand -- Wait. Did you just say that you l-love  _me_?"

He nods as his face grows redder, stained with tears.

"I-I don't deserve your love, Evan. _You_  are the one who deserves the fucking world, Evan Hansen, not me. Just because I've wanted it for so long doesn't mean I'll force you into whatever because-because-"

I'm cut off by his lips. His sweet, plump, beautiful, soft lips. And I can't describe them in words.

He breaks the kiss and looks me straight in the eyes and whispers quietly, "I love you, Jared."

And before I could say anything else but an 'I love you, too' back, we're kissing again; and it's the greatest feeling in the world.

* * *

"I thought you said you weren't in a war, Mr. K?"

"It's a... A metaphor, really. I'm comparing my struggles with a war, and it makes sense in the end."

"Oh... Okay!"

I chuckle as I start to sing the rest of the song. 

\---

" _~And the hair on my neck is rising, a feeling new and surprising._

_But, it wasn't the sound, that made my heart pound._

_No, it was because I found his hand was in mine~_ "

* * *

"C'mon, J! It's a new species! We gotta check it out!" Evan says as he bounces on his feet, having been taken over by excitement.

I laugh, "You're lucky I love you, acorn." I kiss him on the cheek and go to grab my coat and car keys.

He scoffs in fake annoyance, "I love you too, J. Now c'mon! We're gonna be late!" He says finally as he skips outside to the car.

I get in the car with a small huff, buckling in. I look over at Evan. He's bouncing in his seat he's so excited. "Jeez, Ev. You're literally in your twenties and you're getting excited over a new plant." I chuckle. He's just too cute.

"Shut up and drive already!" He almost screeches.

I put my hands up in surrender, only to put on down on the center console, and the other on the steering wheel. As soon as we're in drive, my hand feels something warm over it, so I glance over to find his hand on top of mine.

I blush slightly and take my hand off the handle to hold his correctly. I'm not minding this trip too much after all.

* * *

" _~He says, 'Were you bored?'_

_I say 'I guess it wasn't quite so bad._

_It was the best time I had ever had._

_He laughed and grinned 'Well lucky for you, I got tickets to some play on the fifth!_

_Who cares 'bout what the things that you do?_

_It's who you're doing them with'~_ "

I sigh a little at the memories this song was based on, giving my fingers a small rest. 

"Mr. K? Are you okay, sir?"

I look up, and it's not any of the kids who are speaking, most are asleep. No, it's Lucas's father.

"Oh! Um, yes. Just giving my fingers a rest, is all." I look at the room of children. A few are still awake, Katherine, of course, being one of them. A few others I know as Lucas and William, along with a smaller girl named Piper. "Huh, didn't last too long now for the rest! I didn't mean for the song to be a lullaby."

"Mr. K? Can you please continue?" Lucas asks politely.

"Of course! Now, where was I?"

Lucas's dad pipes in, "I believe you just got finished with the second verse."

"Why, thank you! Alright, so..." I start striking the guitar again, my fingers rested enough, and I start to sing once more.

" _~The time exploded like a bullet from a gun._

 _A month, a year, then a marriage and a son~_ "

* * *

"Wait. You want k-kids?" I ask, slightly shocked turning towards my husband.

"Well, yeah. I think it'd be awesome to have a kid! Y'know, we could be dads! I'd be the overprotective helicopter parent and you'd be the super cool hip dad!"

I pause for a moment to think about it. Then I make an executive decision after approximately three seconds of thinking. "Holy shit! I'm so down for a kid!"

His smile grows even wider, upcoming tears evident in his eyes, "Wait, really?!"

"Yes! Evan! Dear god, yes! I would totally be beyond thrilled to start a family with you!" I start to feel my eyes start to well up. His eyes are already pouring. I pull him into a very excited hug, holding him tight and kissing his cheek. 

We're getting a child.

* * *

And now I feel close to tears at the memory. I've felt close to tears ever since this song has started. I have to finish it soon.

My eyes are closed as I add the final part to the song.

" _~ It's sad, but true, how much I miss you._

_I miss you Evan Hansen._

_Life is not the things that we do,_

_It's who we're doing them with~_ "

My eyes are glued shut, trying desperately hard to keep the tears in, but failing a little and letting a tear slip through.

I finally open my eyes and look up.

Katherine has fallen asleep, so have the others kids. The one last audience member still paying attention...

Is Lucas's father. I look up at him sadly, with a small, welcoming smile on my face.

I notice that he's crying, just like me. Eyes are red and puffy, it's just that he isn't trying to hide it.

He gets up slowly, and gently pick up Lucas, carrying him silently, then walks up to me.

"Evan truly was a lucky man." He says before silently walking off.

I let out a breathy chuckle before muttering to myself, "I think I was the lucky one."

**Author's Note:**

> I was really bored and in the mood to write something sad but not too sad I guess... Hope you enjoyed!


End file.
